Coming out of Debt

If one could develop Stockholm Syndrome with her debt, I could honestly say that may be just one I have done.

On Friday, October 15, 2010, my husband and I expect to be completely out of debt.

It was my husband who helped shape my opinion on debt. Before we married, I saw debt as a necessary evil, as something that everyone just simply lives with and does not get away from until they die. I did not see debt as evidence that we were living outside our means. I figured debt was okay as long as we could pay the payments; we were only living outside our means if we bought things on credit and could not afford the payments. Such was my thinking for many years.

It took several years of my husband's frustration, many sermons on debt, and a word of knowledge from a pastor in January 2010 for me to realize we did in fact need to make sure we got out of debt before the end of the year.

Even as I came to know consumer debt only works against me, I was not sure I wanted to let ours go. It was a way of knowing where our money was going. As each debt disappeared over the past years, we subsequently increased our spending on dining out and entertainment. This increased spending added to our feelings that our money was simply "disappearing." At least with credit card bills and car payments we had something to show for where our money went.

Much like a victim who relates to and even clings to the perpetrator, I had come to cling to the debt as a safety blanket. I did not want to be controlled by the debt, but wanted to keep it comfortably within reach. I wanted to come to its defense against my husband and everyone else who told me to get rid of it. Everyone talked about debt being bondage. However, I wanted to believe I was not in bondage to anything, including my debt. I was in debt because I had freely chosen to have it. It had me in the same position as a victim who believes she has chosen to be under the control of her abuser. I believed the debt would help me accomplish my desires, without regarding how much it was really costing me and without taking to heart the fact that God's warns us that the borrower is servant to the lender. It was not the debt itself that was my captor, and to whom I had this kind of Stockholm Syndrome. Rather, it was the holder of that debt that was my captor; the bank, the mortgage company, the other financiers.

Then came the word of the Lord through a well-trusted pastor that we all needed to get out of debt as soon as possible. Like many preachers and speakers I heard in the year following his new year sermon, the pastor had been warned by God that His people need to protect themselves from the further collapse of the American and world economies. They would do this by coming out from under the bondage of their debtors.

And, so, in just a couple more days, we as a family expect to be out from under the bondage of our debtors. It is an event that brings hope and yet a fearful sense of responsibility. We will be responsible for making sure we do not go into debt again. We will be responsible for saving or investing the money we gain by being debt free. We will be responsible for not wasting our money on those little extras just because our bills have decreased. All these responsibilities bring with them a fear that made me willing to continue to hang onto the debt.

And so, October 15, 2010, will be a date that will live forever in our family. It will be the date that we as a family quit wasting our money, sending it to our credit holders. For me personally, it will be the date that I have solid evidence that I have submitted my finances to God's will and that I have quit looking to my ability to pay bills as a form of stability. My sense of stability (at least in the area of finances) now comes from my obedience to God's Word.

Breaking Out of the Box

This summer I am pursuing many interests I have always wanted to pursue. Too often, lack of resources (money, places to go, etc.) and lack of time prevented my ability to do many things I wanted to do.

This summer all of that changes. I now have the time and money to do just about everything I ever wanted to do. I am taking tennis and ice skating lessons and scrapbooking and basket weaving classes. I have joined a type of book club at church, and I have begun my first redwork (embroidery in all red) quilt project. All these things are a my own efforts to break out of my box.

See, I have never considered myself athletic. In fact, I have always dislike sports, especially team sports. And, I was never very good at them so I was always embarrassed to play sports around other people, particularly as a child when being poor at sports only got me ridiculed. I love watching ice skating competitions, and though I like skating some, I have always been too afraid to learn to do it well. I do not like the feeling of falling, even in a controlled apparatus such as a roller coaster. So, the thought of falling from a triple Lutz with no control or safety scares me to no end. Scrapbooking even scares me because it is not structured enough. I like quilting and knitting where the instructions are laid out, and if I follow all the instructions step by step my project will turn out "just right." Basket weaving isn't too scary. However, there are a lot of different types and colors; and weaving too tightly will make your basket turn out differently than if you weave it too loosely. The part that scares me is getting more creative on my own once I learn the basic methods and patterns.

I started the exit from my box with tennis lessons in April. I went to one lesson, and I liked it so much that my husband got me a new racket and supplies for my birthday. Last week, I continued my box exodus with my first ice skating lesson. These first two things on my list of box-breakers were great, but they are not as "daring" for me as learning to scrapbook. This brings us to this week and my new-found freedom in creativity.

I took my first scrapbooking class this Wednesday. It was actually an altered book class. An altered book is the art of taking a book, any book, and decorating the pages. You may cut a hole in a stack of the pages to make a window with some interesting object in it. Or, you may paste pictures or words on other pages. It is entirely up to you what you want to do with your book. When I first heard of this technique, my greatest question was, "Why?" As an avid reader and a writer, I could not imagine bringing myself to commit the sacrilege of cutting up a book. I was sure it was something I would never do. But, I determined I was going to do something totally out of the ordinary and have complete fun doing it. I wasn't going to worry about whether it was right or wrong. I took to altering my book so quickly and so creatively that I made my teacher proud. She said, "Wow. When you get it, you really go. I just gave her instructions and she took off." (I don't REALLY remember if this is exactly what she said, but it is a summation of what she was saying, anyway.) I must say that I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I now LOVE feeling free to be creative, to take ideas and put them down in a comprehensive art form.

And, I think this indicative of how God created us. No, not everyone will be "crafty," but everyone can be creative at finding ways to do what God has called them to do. Additionally, everyone has at least one hobby, sport, or activity they like to do that may be just recreational, and outside his calling. Why not find that one extracurricular activity (or several, as in my case) and do it with as much gusto and joy of living as one can conceive?

I have discovered the ability to let God be creative through me. On Wednesday, when I was finished with my scrapbooking class, I was so inspired and proud of myself that I devised this little quote:

When you break out of the box you should break out hard enough and fast enough so as to destroy the box to the point that it cannot be entered again.

I have now broken completely out of my box, and I do not want to go back. I like being free to be me. Freedom like this is something I don't believe I have ever had, and it is something I certainly do not ever want to lose. My prayer is that all who read this will be inspired to do something they have let fear keep them from doing. I hope the freedom they feel from doing something so out of the ordinary will be a tangible example for them of the freedom we have in Christ. And, lastly, I hope they find a boldness that will translate to every area of their lives, and aid them in evangelizing and discipling the world as Jesus commanded.